This last week I became very tired of myself. I was very annoyed with myself. It was similar to the feeling I get at the end of a vacation with the kids and the sound of their voice makes me cringe. Initially, I did not realize that it was me I was annoyed with. During some quiet time to myself, I was reflecting on my mood and general thoughts. I realized, “I am really annoying right now. I don’t really like myself right now. And, WHY?” My self-talk has been complaining about thoughts and reactions happening in most of my daily life situations. According to www.healthdirect.gov.au, self-talk is the inner voice that combines conscious thoughts with internal beliefs and biases to create an internal monologue. I loved the question I asked myself- WHY am I thinking this way or saying these things to myself? In this episode of IGNITE, we will discuss how to acknowledge our unconscious self-talk and how to modify these conversations to create a healthier space within ourselves. Join me for a quick deep dive into how our thoughts are creating us and affecting our world.
The little or loud voice in our head can change the course of our day, week, .... LIFE. A quote from Toni Morrison’s book Beloved states, “You are your best thing.” Tarana Burke and Brenè Brown wrote a book titled, You Are Your Best Thing. It is a prominent phrase packed with meanings and feelings to be interpreted in a variety of ways. Our inner voice directly influences our behavior and the energy we gift to others. That little voice is sometimes stealthy and whispering softly when we don’t even realize it is there. It wasn’t until I reflected back on my mood and everything that has happened in my world the last few days, that I realized I had not been my best cheerleader. Which led to me realizing if I had been kinder to myself in my self-talk, I would have been feeling better in certain situations. Which could have led to different outcomes. I would have had a bit more confidence in myself. I would have been more peaceful, and THAT would have made a huge difference in my day and in my relationships. One of the best ways to acknowledge what we are saying to ourselves is to briefly PAUSE. Any amount of PAUSE is going to benefit us. Make this PAUSE the questions, “What am I feeling right now at this moment? Is it true?” I will be in the middle of grocery shopping and ready to yell at the next person who calls or texts my phone. When I PAUSE for a second and analyze the annoyed feeling, I realize grocery stores overwhelm me right now. When I dive deeper past the annoyed feeling, I hear guilt. I feel guilty and ashamed that I do not want to deal with kids or partners or parents that may need me but I am occupied with something. I am judging myself and telling myself that I am a bad person for being annoyed. THAT’S the self-talk I reshape! I decided I should gift myself time and energy by making it a quick grocery store trip. It is a form of self-care that gives me the space needed to show up for others with the energy of love and acceptance I want to give to them. Being mindful of what we hear our thoughts telling us or what we feel our thoughts giving us, gives us power. This power allows us to problem solve and take care of ourselves. The same power we use to push clouds away from our Star Power.
Pushing clouds away from our Star Power is a beautiful visual of adjusting our self-talk to sound more like who we want to be and who we truly are. Answer this question, “Would you say the same things to someone else that you say to yourself?” Consider this question, “Would you hang out with someone if they said to you what you tell yourself?” If you are a kind, generous, loving human being- which you are because you volunteer your time and energy to coach and empower amazing girls every week- then the answer to both of those questions is, “NO!” Since the answer is, “No, I wouldn’t say these things to one of my GOTR girls or kids or spouse,” then we should stop saying it to our number one person- ourselves. I have been very annoyed with myself lately like I would be with a person who consistently has negative comments. And just like a plant, if it is watered with good water and given ample sunshine, it will bloom. If we shower ourselves with grace and kind words, we will blossom and bloom. The cloud is pushed away and the Star Power beams through our energy, thoughts, and feelings radiating goodness within. Pay it forward to yourself by starting with your self-talk. Shine your Star Power on yourself and be your best thing!
Shayla A is the Coach Mentor for Girls on the Run Kansas City. Her background comes from the classroom, coaching, day treatment schools, wellness, and advocating for children with special needs. She enjoys empowering and advocating for girls and coaches in every challenge and celebration. Connect with her for support and assistance this season via Leigh Krtec.
BOOK LIST TO EMPOWER YOUR SELF-TALK:
Who I Am: Words I Tell Myself by Susan Verde
The Self-Talk Workout by Rachel Goldsmith Turow
Your Thoughts Matter by Esther Pia Cordova
The Power of Positive Self-Talk by Kim Fredrickson
TO WATCH A VIDEO ON HOW TO IGNITE YOUR SELF-TALK: