We've all been there in a conversation where we want so badly to get our voice heard when the other person wants their voice heard as well. It’s a battle of whose feelings will be validated and who will leave feeling acknowledged. Yelling louder or shutting down does not comfort nor validate either person involved, and both parties leave feeling a little less. Having your voice heard has more to do with having your feelings acknowledged and feeling a connection with another human. What if we were able to leave every conversation we have with friends, partners, strangers, and colleagues feeling a connection was made and each person’s voice was heard. It’s possible. It may be difficult at first to train the brain, but it is possible. In this upcoming episode, we will discuss ways to IGNITE our clear mind and help us see another person's perspective and empower empathy in ourselves and our girls.
It is challenging to get feelings or thoughts voiced and heard when your state of emotion does not match the other person’s state of emotion. The energy between clashes. This happens with every form of emotion and in any situation. This happens with good news, sad news, and everyday news. Because we each interpret the environment around us differently than others, we inevitably have different emotions to the same environment. In order to see another's perspective and meet on common ground we have to shift our mind space. There have been vast amounts of studies done on the brain and how it reacts in correlation to our emotions, feelings, and choices. There is a reaction that happens chemically in your body when you feel an emotion about a situation. It takes about 90 seconds for you to feel, process, and pass through an emotion, if you acknowledge it. If you can give yourself a 90 second acknowledgement, then you will give yourself and the other person a gift. So let’s discuss and start gifting!
Step One: In the midst of a conversation, ask yourself, “What is my feeling at this moment? And, where am I feeling it in my body?”
Step Two: Continue to acknowledge the feeling being there by observing it. Observe it as if you are watching it feel in your body.
Step Three: Watch it pass (usually about 60-90 seconds) and choose if you want to or how to communicate your feelings or thoughts to the other person.
Once you observe the emotion/feeling, recognize where you feel it in your body, and decide why this emotion has come over you in this moment, you can then choose if and how you want to communicate it to the other person. This allows your brain to slow down enough to be able to listen and hear another person’s perspective. Even if you only get through Step One, you are giving the gift of time to your emotion and opening some space for the other person to be heard. You are also validating and embracing your own emotions, which puts you in a better position to listen more openly to others. You are gifting time, space, and acknowledgement to yourself and to others. Practice this during non confrontational conversations to make it easier when emotions and feelings are uncomfortable. Giving yourself little gifts of acknowledgement throughout the day gives you good energy to pass along through future conversations. It clears the mind enough to acknowledge another person’s feelings and empower empathy into all of our relationships. The first step starts from within!
Shayla A is the Coach Mentor for Girls on the Run Kansas City. Her background comes from the classroom, coaching, day treatment schools, wellness, and advocating for children with special needs. She enjoys empowering and advocating for girls and coaches in every challenge and celebration. Connect with her for support and assistance this season via Leigh Krtec.
BOOK LIST TO ENCOURAGE SEEING OUR EMOTIONS AND ANOTHER PERSON’S PERSPECTIVE:
How to Know a Person by David Brooks
Untangle Your Emotions by Jennie Allen
My Body Sends a Signal by Natalie Maguire
The Garden Within by Dr. Anita Phillips